There was a young lady called Emma
Who went to dance in Vienna.
When the people asked, “are you an erotic dancer?”
She replied, “I am no chancer,
But perhaps if you pay me a tenner …!”
There Was A Young Lady Called Emma
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Monthly Archives: December 2016
12 of the Best and Funniest Limericks Ever Written
Our pick of the greatest limericks
The limerick is a poetic form shrouded in mystery: nobody knows why they’re named after Limerick, who invented the form, or when they were first composed. What we do know is that they’ve been with us for a long time – the earliest limericks date back to the Middle Ages – and that, at their best, limericks can be very, very funny. They can also demonstrate a masterly control of verse form and admirable economy of language. In this post, we’ve gathered up a dozen of our favourite limericks, which are among the funniest limericks ever written and the finest examples of the form. Many of them are anonymous, but where the author of the limerick is known, we’ve added their name in brackets after the poem. Warning: some of these classic limericks are rather rude, to say the least.
The limerick packs laughs…
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There Was A Young Man Called Ed
There was a young man called Ed
Who decided his girlfriend to wed.
When he found she hadn’t any money,
He said, “ain’t it funny,
My love for her it is dead!”
There Was A Young Lady Called Lena
There was a young lady called Lena
Who worked as a domestic cleaner.
Clients where very few
And I am afraid it is true
That her customers had never seena!
There Was A Young Lady Called May
There was a young lady called May
Who walked in the fields one day.
She met the queen of the fairies there,
Who said, “beware,
For here you may not stay!”
There Was A Young Man Called Is
There was a young man called Is,
Who married a girl named Ought.
They couldn’t agree
On what should be
And ended up in court!
Don’t Always Compare Your Work With Others
This made me smile.
A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a monthly service to a poor mechanic.
“So tell me,” says the mechanic, “I’ve been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me…”
“Yes?” says the surgeon.
“Well look at this,” says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated Audi engine, “I check how it’s running, open it up, fix the valves, and put it all back together so it works good as new. We basically do the same job don’t we? And yet you are paid twenty times what I am – how do you explain that?”
The surgeon thought for a moment, and smiling gently, replied quietly to the mechanic,
“Try it with the engine running.”
The Dungeon (Liverpool local history)
An interesting piece on the history of the Dungeon, an area of Liverpool close to where my mum lives. I must confess that the name dungeon conjured up for me visions of dank prison cells, however the Dungeon was, in fact a major salt refinery and a place of considerable historical interest, http://www.roydenhistory.co.uk/mrlhp/local/salt/dungeon.htm.
A Few Humorous Poems for the Festive Season
A few humorous poems for you to enjoy over the festive season:
Christmas Dinner – https://newauthoronline.com/2015/12/24/christmas-dinner-humour-not-to-be-taken-seriously/
Shall I compare Thee? – https://newauthoronline.com/2015/12/12/shall-i-compare-thee/
Werner – https://newauthoronline.com/2016/04/12/werner/
Fleecem and Proper – https://newauthoronline.com/tag/fleecem-and-proper/
Good Tidings of Perfect Light
If there is one person responsible for the modern version of Christmas we celebrate today, that person is Charles Dickens and the story that converged many rituals into one and reinvented the holiday we know today is A Christmas Carol.
For a story concerned with giving to others in compassion, goodwill, and charity
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K Morris - Poet 