There was a young lady called Ruth
Who strove to discover the truth.
The Guardian and the Daily Telegraph she did take
And of their opinions did partake,
And thereby discovered something approaching the truth …!
(The Daily Telegraph is a Conservative/centre-right newspaper, while the Guardian is best characterised as liberal/left in it’s leanings).
There was a young lady called Jane
Who always did maintain
That she could eat a horse
But, of course
The saddle she would retain …!
There was a young lady called Lin
Who liked to bang on a tin.
She banged it every Sunday morn,
Which caused the bishop to warn
That Lin was committing a sin …!
There was a young lady called Rose
Who had an accident while using a hose.
She got very wet
And said with regret,
“I can not master this hose!”
—
There was a young lady called Lin
Who owned a violin.
She played it at night,
Which was much to the delight
Of the fox who raided her bin!
—
There was a young lady called Hester
Who was a bit of a jester.
In the midst of telling a joke
The poor girl did choke,
And they buried her in Chester!
—
There was a young lady called Rose
Who lost all her clothes
While out for a walk.
When her friends did talk
She said,”that’s just the way it goes …!”
There was a young lady called Rose
Who counted her fingers and toes.
To make quite sure,
She counted them once more,
Then for good measure, she added her nose.
There was a young lady called Gay
Who composed limericks throughout the day.
She read them aloud at night,
Which was much to the delight
Of the owl who lived down her way.
There was a young lady called Louise
Who sailed the high seas
In a fine old ship,
Where she brandished a whip
The sailors for to tease…!
There was a young lady called Emma
Who took ill while visiting Vienna.
She did cough and sneeze,
Then remarked with a wheeze,
“Its freezing here in Vienna”!
Me reading a selection of my limericks.
There was a young lady called Emma
Who went to dance in Vienna.
When the people asked, “are you an erotic dancer?”
She replied, “I am no chancer,
But perhaps if you pay me a tenner …!”
K Morris - Poet 