There was a young lady called Lin
Who committed a terrible sin.
I promised not to reveal,
So will the truth conceal,
But it happened in a place called Berlin
There was a young lady called lin
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Tag Archives: humour
The Old Squire
The old squire knew he would die.
Heaving a sigh
He beckoned to his wife.
“Come near,
My dear.
The strife
Of life
Will soon be done.
I hear yonder church clock,
Chime.
O how time does run
Away.
Soon death will on this great door knock
And take my soul away.
Pray
One thing I would know
Before I go.
Was it you,
My wife most true
Or my mistress with her ribbons so gay,
Who put poison in my cup today?!”
There Was A Young Man Called Stone
There was a young man called Stone
Who stole his dog’s bone.
The dog did howl,
Then, with a growl,
He ate his master’s phone!
Count Dracula Went Out To Dine
Count Dracula went out to dine.
“Red wine?”
The waitress said.
Dracula shook his head.
“No thank you my dear. Your neck is most fine
And the glint of that necklace against your skin
Temps me into sin.
Come near
And let me whisper in your dainty ear
Words of desire
From a vampire
To you,
My love most true”.
“Sir,
That gentleman over there
He with the coat of fur,
Who howls at the moon,
Will require my attention soon.
The Werewolf has his need
And must also feed”.
“Oh waitress most divine
I shall make do with wine.
But please, just one kiss from those lips so red”
The count said.
“I can recommend the steak.
Would you care to partake?
The chef (though a ghoul
And a bit of a fool
Can make
A rare old stake.
Why Count, must you really go?
And just when I was enjoying our conversation so …”.
There Was A Young Man Called Musk
There was a young man called Musk
Who said “all flesh is but dust”.
His girlfriend Lina,
Who was a fanatical cleaner,
Swept him up with the dust.
The Case of the Missing Book
“Holmes!” I cried,
I have tried
To deduce who took
My book.
I gave it to a girl, that she might read
And by so doing her mind feed.
She works in a store,
And would, I thought handle it with care,
But, on my return I discovered it was no longer there.
I fear it will be seen no more
And is forever lost somewhere in that store”.
My dear Watson, someone took
Your book,
While it was left lying around
By a shop girl, in a well known store.
I agree you will see it no more.
It is a problem too profound
For the great detective to solve.
Therefore resolve
To neither a borrower nor a lender be,
Else you will see
Another book
Get took
By the light fingered kind.
But quieten your mind
For it was in all likelihood
Taken by one who thought your poetry good!”
There Was A Young Journalist Called Drew
There was a young journalist called Drew
Who wrote articles about me and you.
When we did complain,
He replied with disdain
“And you expect me to write what is true?!”
There Was A Young Lady Called Tash
There was a young lady called Tash
Who being strapped for cash,
Drove a Sherman tank,
Through the wall of a bank.
You should have heard that terrible crash!
What The Neighbours See
What the neighbours see
Need not concern you and me,
For our lives are so boring
We will have them snoring.
So lets continue ignoring
The twitching curtain
For it is certain
They can only perceive
The milkman leave
The milk,
As we wave him goodbye in our dressinggown of silk …
What the neighbours spy
Need not concern you and I
For walls are thin
And we can not help but hear the din
Of the squeaking bed
When Mrs Ed
Is away.
So we say
“Hi”
As we pass by
But do not catch our neighbour’s eye …
There Was A Young DJ Called Weeks
There was a young DJ called Weeks,
Who said “the broadcaster speaks!”.
He addressed the invisible crowd,
In a voice firm and loud,
But his listeners heard only squeaks!.
K Morris - Poet 