There was a young man called Guy
Who, like Icarus, wanted to fly.
He jumped off Big Ben
At a quarter to ten.
I really don’t understand why!
There Was A Young Man Called Guy
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Tag Archives: humorous verse
Knickers
The below poem was inspired by a comment overheard by me while enjoying a drink in a pub last weekend (Saturday 29 October).
—
“This beer tastes like lady’s knickers”, says an elderly man at a table.
Standing at the bar, I am scarcely able
To contain my laughter, and idly think
As I enjoy my drink
“what about a bra
And are
There knickers for the male kind?”
I find
In pubs much amusement
And bemusement.
“How would he know?”
Better not to go
There I think
As I sink
My drink.
“Lady’s Knickers” beer
Would taste most queer.
I shall be boring and stick to a well known brew
Although ‘tis true
I am curious to know.
But better not to go …
Finishing my second pint, I leave.
I perceive
This incident will stay with me.
I shall with glee
Write it down
Though it be
Nothing profound.
There Was A Young Lady Called Gale
There was a young lady called Gale
Whose look made hardened criminals quail.
She met a thug one night
Who, to her delight
Began to weep and wail!
There Was A Young Lady Called Mary
There was a young lady called Mary
Who worked in a haunted dairy.
On seeing a ghoul
She said, “I am no fool.
You are not in the least bit scary …”!
—
There was a young lady called Mary
Who worked in a haunted dairy.
On seeing a ghoul
And being a fool,
She mistook it for a fairy!
If I Where A Rentier
If I where a rentier living off capital
(The very idea is laughable)!
I would retire to the moors
(with other bores)
And shoot peasants
Yes, I think that would be pleasant …!
I would terrorise the local wenches
And build high fences
To keep at bay
Those intent on stealing my wealth away.
Huge parties I would throw
And my reputation for debauchery would grow.
The vicar would pray
Lest I give his secret away
While the bishop’s innocent daughter
Would, like a lamb to the slaughter …
But I am no collector of dividends
And my efforts bend
To writing verse
Which, growing worse and worse
Will, I fear, not fill my purse …!
There Was A Young Man Called Matt
There was a young man called Matt
Who owned a very large cat.
One cold day
I regret to say
He wore it instead of a hat …!
There Was A Young Man Called Judd
There was a young man called Judd
Who married a girl called Rudd.
They where happy together
In all kinds of weather
And particularly relished the mudd!
You Cant Kid A Kid
You can’t kid
A kidder
Kiddo.
I did
Go
A-kidding
Long before you ever did.
So no, I won’t do your bidding
Kid!
There Was A Young Man Named Guy
There was a young man named Guy
Who worked as a high ranking spy.
Things for his country turned sour
When he was captured by a foreign power,
As Guy would never lie!
There Was A Young Lady Called May
There was a young lady called May
Who went to roll in the hay.
A naughty gnome
Said, “you should be at home”.
She replied, “come hither and play”!
K Morris - Poet 