There is a middle-aged lady called Ruth
Who lived a misspent youth.
She claims to know me
But, you see
She rarely tells the truth …
There Is A Middle-Aged Lady Called Ruth
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Tag Archives: humorous verse
I Know A Young Lady Called Marr
I know a young lady called Marr
Who works in a gentleman’s bar.
One day, when the lights went out
I heard her shout,
“The bishop has my bra!”.
I know a young lady called Marr
Who works in a gentleman’s bar.
One day, when the lights went out
I heard her shout,
“Sir, you go too far!”.
With Sincere Apologies To Edward Lear
The owl and the pussycat went to sea, in a leaky, cardboard boat.
They had lost all their money
To a girl called Honey
Along with a £5 note.
The owl looked up to the stars above
And sang to a small guitar
“Oh beautiful pussy, oh pussy my love
I wonder where we are?
We are? We are?
I wonder where we are?”
With a sorrowful sigh
The pussy made reply:
“Owl,
You are a stupid old fowl!
Make no mistake
We
Are not at sea
But on a lake!
Oh what a stupid old fowl you are
You are
You are!
Oh what a stupid old fowl you are!”.
So they sailed away
For a year and a day
To the land where the bong tree grows.
And there in a wood
A stoned student stood
Blowing smoke from the end of his nose
His nose
His nose.
Blowing smoke from the end of his nose.
“Dear student are you willing
To sell for one shilling
Your pot?” Said the student, “I will”.
So they took it away
And were arrested next day
By the policeman who lives on the hill …
(A shortened version of this poem originally appeared on Ester Chilton’s blog, https://esthernewtonblog.wordpress.com).
There Was A Young Lady Called Lou
There was a young lady called Lou
Who stood in a pot of glue.
She said, with a sigh
“I don’t know why
I stood in this pot of glue!”.
There Was A Young Man Called Kirt
There was a young man called Kirt
Who composed a poem about a skirt.
It being very protracted
I became distracted
And thought
It ought
To be short.
There Was A Young Lady Called Lou
There was a young lady called Lou
Who lost a little black shoe.
When it was found under the bed
Of a vicar named Ted
It caused quite a to-do …
There Once Was A God Named Pan
There once was a god named Pan
Who married a girl named Ann.
They made music together
Whatever the weather
With the aid of a frying pan!
There once was a god named Pan
Who loved a girl called Ann.
He offered her his heart
But being in love with art
She married his best friend Dan!
There Was A Young Man Called Lee
There was a young man named Lee
Who said “the world revolves around me”.
Awaking with a start
I said “bless my heart,
Was someone talking to me …”.
There Was A Young Lady Called Lou
There was a young lady called Lou
Who preferred 3 rather than 2.
We went to a discreet hotel
With a girl named Nell
As 3 is better than 2 …
There Was A Young Lady Called Divine
There was a young lady called Divine
Who drank nothing but wine.
This was perfectly okay
Though I’m sorry to say
That she stole the communion wine!
K Morris - Poet 