When a man whose name is Ted
Found a young lady under his bed
He said, with a sigh
“I don’t know why
My wife, she sleeps under our bed”!
—
When a sailor whose name is Mark
Said, “this world is bleak and dark”,
His second cousin Jim
Jumped in to swim
And was eaten by a shark!
When a young man whose name is Gus
Stole a number 7 bus,
His cousin Rose
Composed a poem about Crows,
Which I’d like you all to discuss!
There was a young man named Neil
Who drank wine with every meal.
He soaked his breakfast in red
And on retiring to bed
Drank white with his friend’s wife Lucille!
When a dangerous young man of Bristol
Aimed at me his pistol,
My friend, General Napier
Drew forth his rapier
And ended that young man of Bristol!
A beautiful young lady named Crystal
Threatened me with her pistol.
When I said, “what have I done”!
She replied, “I’m up for fun.
You will elope with me to Bristol”!
When a young admirer of Titian
Made a most shocking admission,
I shook my grey head
And with great sorrow said,
“You are on the road to perdition”!
When a man whose name is Ted
Found a young lady under his bed
He whispered, “upon my life,
You are not my wife.
Speak softly, as she’s sleeping in bed”!
—
When a man whose name is Ted
Found a young lady under his bed
He said, with a sigh,
“I am an open-minded guy,
But my wife she is sleeping in bed”!
—
When a man whose name is Ted
Found a young lady under his bed
He said, “is that you Nell?,
I can not tell
Whether you be living or dead”!
A young lady whose name is Peeches
Likes to frequent crowded beaches.
As she sunbathes in the nude
The vicar, who is no prude,
To that young lady preaches!
—
A young lady whose name is Peeches
Likes to frequent crowded beaches
Where she sunbathes nude,
Which some find crude
As for me, I love those beaches!
I know a young man named Hogg
Who is an admirer of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
He recites all of his speeches
To an English bulldog called Peechs,
And she howls at the speeches of Mogg!
Waking up next to a girl, with perfect hair
And skin,
I know that I am
A lucky man
But I swear
That I know not where
We met, nor how she got in!
K Morris - Poet 