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Guest Post: Who On Earth Is Ace Ventura, Anyway?

Many thanks to Alan (http://allyballysblog.wordpress.com/) for agreeing to write a guest post for newauthoronline.com. Please do check out Alan’s blog, it is a great site and I am a particular fan of his 10 sentence fiction.

 

If you would like to do a guest post for newauthoronline please send an e-mail to newauthoronline (@) gmail . com, (the address is given in this manner in an attempt to defeat spammers)!

 

 

 

Who on earth is Ace Ventura, anyway?

Two decades. Twenty years is a long time. Remembering things as far back as that can sometimes be hard to contemplate or even believe. I often try and remember back as far as I can and think about what life was like then. Where did I live? What did I look like? What were my goals in life? (if I even had any) Thoughts of technology and how far it had advanced is always a winner. Thinking of mobile phones when they first really came into the public’s hands to where they are now.
Taking photos and videos back then was usually always a gamble. After the photos developed, you had to live with the fact that you mum had chopped your head off, or dads finger was in the viewfinder.   Personally, I never had experience of videoing anything as a kid. That was usually something left for ‘the rich kids’.

Twenty years ago, I was eleven years old. Obviously, I was still at school and I lived at home with my parents and my younger brother. I owned a Commodore Amiga home computer and my brother had a Sega Mega Drive. Neither of my parents owned a mobile phone or any other kind of mobile data device. Come to think of it, nobody really did, unless you were a government or NASA official.

Actually, the very thought of ever owning such a device, especially something as advanced as the iPhone and iPads of today, certainly seemed like something out of a futuristic SiFi movie and way out of reach.

A big part of growing up for us all, are movies. The motion picture is something of a way of life for a huge portion of the world. Ultimately, it is a career and a lively hood for the Hollywood big wigs at the helm, but, for the average Joe like you and I, movies are a source of entertainment, a reason to go out at night, a reason to invite friends over and for others, an inspiration to go out and make it big.

I think most adults of my generation grew up with videotapes and video rental stores. Because of this, most of us will have grown up watching movies such as, The Mask, Dumb and Dumber and of course, Ace Ventura. This isn’t an article about the amazing success of Jim Carrey, the star of said movies. Nope, it’s about how something like a popular movie can shape your childhood and follow you all the way through your adult life.

I remember seeing a trailer for The Mask, during the commercial breaks of one of my mum’s god-awful soap operas, on TV one night. I was ten years old and utterly mesmerized with the special effects that were being demonstrated on this seemingly mind-blowing movie. Who was the guy with the green mask on? I had no idea. I also had no any idea who Jim Carrey was, either, if you’d had told me that’s who was wearing it.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to witness seeing The Mask on the big screen. Money was tight for a working class family of four in the city, and while my mother had taken my brother and I to the cinema several times in the past (Mr. Nanny and Home Alone 2), at ten years old, I was still profoundly shocked at the price of a cinema ticket.
My disappointment didn’t last long, however. You can imagine the smile on a ten year olds face on Christmas morning when he unwrapped a parcel to reveal a VHS tape of The Mask. From that moment on, the film was played to death in the VCR and I could easily rhyme off random parts of the script. In fact, I still can.

Like most kids, I was a fan of movies anyway, but, I had firmly established myself a fan of comedy and indeed, a fan of Jim Carrey. This naturally made me curious as to what other works he had completed, and it wasn’t long before I discovered Ace Ventura: Pet Detective on the shelf of the video rental store one Friday night.

While at school, kids talked about movies, they repeated lines from them, acted out lines from them. It appeared to be a part of most kids, and parents, lives.
The Lion King, D2: The Mighty Ducks, Little giants, Richie Rich and hundreds of others were all talking points.

The next year, when Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls was released, my parents ensured that my brother and I didn’t miss out, and a trip to see it was timed nicely with my eleventh birthday. I was over the moon and buzzing from watching my comedy hero act like a total buffoon on the big screen.

Almost exactly twenty years on, I still own these movies on DVD. I watch them if they happen to be on TV, I’ll laugh at them as I always have. Every so often, my friends and I will chat about our favourite movies, remember them and repeat funny lines from them.

I earn my living as a Manager at a national, blue chip retailer. I’ve done this for many years, after working myself to the bone and climbing the success ladder.
A huge part of my job involves recruiting new members of staff. Full time posts, part time posts, and often, school or college kids are recruited for a weekend position while they beaver away at the their studies.

Over time, when you get to know these kids and you build some rapport with them, you’ll chat to them and find out what they’re into.   Maybe even ask what they got up to at the weekend. The ones who didn’t get completely rubbered on cheap, gut melting liquor, talk about visiting the cinema. This generally starts a conversation about movies and actors alike.

I have been astounded at how many young people of today have never seen or even heard of The Mask, Ace Ventura or Forest Gump for that matter. Their argument is usually, ‘that’s old and before my time’. Very true. But, people of my generation are familiar and fans of movies that were out before our time aren’t we?
Predator, Die Hard, Rambo, Rocky, Midnight Run, See no evil, hear no evil? These films have lived on and remained popular due to us ‘kids’ growing up with them and starting a new fan base.

I often worry those films like The Mask and Ace Ventura will fade away. Some may say, yeah, but isn’t there a sequel to Dumb and Dumber due out at Christmas? Yes, there is, but, I wonder how many kids or young adults of today, have actually seen the first one and are there fore bothered about the second one.

I for one will ensure that my kids grow up enjoying and appreciating what made me laugh and fall in love with movies, such a long time ago.

Twenty years ago, to be precise.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snatches Of Conversation

“I picked up the can, threw it at him and”.

As an author, the above snatch of conversation, overheard by me while on my way into work this morning had me intrigued. I longed to hear the remainder of the incident but the speaker, a teenage girl, rapidly disappeared into the distance, her words lost to me forever. What kind of can was it? What, if anything did it contain? And, most importantly what caused the young woman to throw it in the first place? In an alternative reality the following exchange between me and the speaker took place,

 

Me, “I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. I am intrigued. Why did you throw the can? And what was the reaction of the person you threw it at?”

Teenage girl looking at me as though I had just appeared from outer space, “P.. off. What has it got to do with you?”

Me, “I’m an author, I can’t help tuning into people’s conversations. I’m interested as to what motivated you to throw that can. Perhaps there is a story in it somewhere”.

Teenage girl,walking quickly away from me, “Get lost before I call the police”.

 

There is, in the above incident the makings of a story. I would love to hear your thoughts as to how the tale might go. Also I am sure that I can’t be the only writer who can not help but speculate on snatches of overheard conversations.

How To Write A Novel: Advice From The Book Trust

An interesting list of 25 rules on how to write a novel, http://www.booktrust.org.uk/books/writing/writing-tips/41/. I especially agree with the following points:

“4. Right now, forget about money. It eats imagination”.

“11. Ignore discouragement. You’ll never know real negativity until you tell people you are writing a novel. The last thing a human who spends their day

selling home insurance in an office that smells of egg sandwiches and despair wants to hear is that their old school-friend is going to be an international

bestselling author. So ignore them. All of them. Well, except that latter-day Malcolm Bradbury, Katy Perry: ‘Make ’em go, oh, oh, oh/ As you shoot across

the sky”.

“13. Write as though your mother will never read it”.

“19. Write the book you most want to read. That will be the best book you can write”.

“23. Read it aloud. You’ll notice more mistakes that way”. (Points 24 and 25 also resonated strongly with me).

I am not sure about point 16, that it is OK to write about people you know provided you change the names. Surely a character who is portrayed in an unflattering manner may object and, in extreme cases take legal action. Even if the name has been changed that person may still recognise themselves in your writing and if they can prove you portrayed them in an unflattering light (damaged their reputation) you are, potentially in hot water of the legal variety.

Retrievers

Can someone please explain why my guide dog Trigger, who is a lab/retriever is adept at getting his blanket out of the dog bed, running around, tail wagging furiously, but leaves the blanket in the middle of the floor for me to pick up or trip over? I was under the impression that retrievers – retrieve? Obviously I have been labouring under a misapprehension on that score! In point of fact Trigger will greet me and my guests with all kinds of fascinating objects ranging from shoes, socks and, of course his beloved blanket. It is merely that my four legged friend point blank refuses to return said objects to where he found them!

I think that there is a case for the Guide Dogs For The Blind Association (GDBA) to train our canine helpers to put things back precisely where they found them. In fact lets forget about training guide dogs to assist blind people to cross the road, putting my shoes back in the exact spot where Trigger discovered them is far more important even if that spot was not well chosen, by me in the first place! I shall close now. I’m off to pen a letter to the Guide Dogs setting out my suggestion that they concentrate training on the retrieval and return of objects rather than on piffling matters like getting blind people such as myself from a to b safely. I’m sure they will be receptive to the idea, or maybe not!

The Prostitution Debate

Feminist Times has an interesting debate regarding the adoption of the Nordic Model under which the selling of sexual services is decriminalised while the purchasers are criminalised, being subject, on conviction to a fine and/or imprisonment. Essentially proponents of the Nordic model argue that prostitution is, almost always not a free choice and the state should discourage prostitution’s damaging effects by targeting those who sustain the industry (I.E. the buyers of sex). Supporters of the Nordic approach state that prostitution has decreased following the introduction of prohibitions on the purchase of sex.

Opponents of the Nordic model dispute the view that most women engaged in prostitution are unwilling victims of pimps and traffickers. The majority of prostitutes are, they contend voluntarily selling sex. Criminalising clients would, they believe lead to the selling of sex being driven underground and women being forced into the arms of pimps.

For the radical feminist perspective, in support of the Nordic Model please visit http://www.feministtimes.com/prostitution-harms-women-radfem-uk-the-nordic-model/. For the opposing perspective please go to http://www.feministtimes.com/comeback-why-the-nordic-model-harms-women/.

As an author the motivations of those engaged in prostitution fascinate me. Prostitution is a highly complex issue and the reasons why people (mainly but not exclusively women) engage in it are many and various. In my story, “Samantha” Sam is forced by her brutal pimp, Barry to become a prostitute. In contrast, in “The First Time” Becky, a graduate with a first class degree in English literature becomes an escort in order to clear her debts.

 

For details of “Samantha” and “The First Time” please visit http://newauthoronline.com/about/.

Today I want to share with you three awesome ways to sell more books right now without any additional traffic.

Good advice. I haven’t heard of Squeeze but I am off now to check it out. Kevin

The Owl Lady's avatarViv Drewa - The Owl Lady

Whether you’re a brand new author with only a few sales or an experienced author with thousands of raving fans, these three simple tips will help you sell more books without any additional traffic, fans, or promotion.
 
In fact, all you have to do is make three small tweaks in 5 minutes to start getting more sales from your existing fan base:
 
1. Link to your squeeze page
 
The first and most powerful strategy is to link to your squeeze page inside your book. (If you don’t know what a squeeze page is, go watch my free video training series on email marketing at http://goo.gl/Aj09Pd)
 
You can link to your squeeze page at the very beginning of your book (usually underneath the copyright information on the title page), and at the end of your book (usually either before or after your author bio.)
 
In…

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How Many Reviews Does A Book On Amazon Have?

When purchasing books online most people will look at the reviews. One or more good reviews may encourage the potential reader to part with their money. Amazon have, fairly recently allowed reviews appearing on amazon.com to show on the amazon.co.uk site. This is to be welcomed, however matters are somewhat confusing. Take, for example my collection of short stories, “Sting In The Tail and Other Stories” (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sting-tail-other-stories-Morris-ebook/dp/B00DFK6R54/ref=pd_cp_kinc_0). As of today anyone visiting the UK site will, at first glance see that “Sting In The Tail” has received 1 review. However, read down the page and (under the review which was posted on the UK site) appear 3 reviews written by readers who have purchased the book on amazon.com. It might be argued that people should carefully read all the information about a particular book. However, in the real world potential readers will frequently just glance at a book description, note that it has (apparently) 1 review and pass on to the next title. The situation is worse for authors when no reviews appear on the UK site but books have been reviewed on the US website. Again one can argue that readers (if they look at the whole page) will see that the book has, in fact been reviewed on amazon.com, but how many readers will read so far?

My suggestion for resolving this issue is for the total number of reviews on both amazon.com and amazon.co.uk to appear near to the top of the book’s page (after all a review is a review irrespective of which country it was written in).

As I said at the start of this post it is wonderful that Amazon do include reviews written on amazon.com on the UK site. However, in my opinion the total number of reviews should be made clearer ensuring that the potential buyer has the maximum amount of information at his (or her) fingertips and, hopefully helping authors to sell more books.