Tag Archives: culture

Self Printed: The Sane Persons Guide To Self Publishing by Catherine Ryan Howard

I harbour a healthy scepticism regarding get rich quick schemes. You know the kind of scheme, buy my book or subscribe to my newsletter and I’ll show you how to become a millionaire in two shakes of a duck’s tail. I am pleased to report that Catherine Ryan Howard’s book, Self printed: The Sane Persons Guide to Self Publishing (see http://www.amazon.co.uk/Self-Printed-Persons-Guide-Self-Publishing-Edition/dp/1478385545), does not fall into this category. Howard whitterly guides us through the world of self publishing in both it’s traditional printed form (she recommends using Create Space) and it’s younger sibling, Amazon Kindle ebooks. The author humorously warns against dreams of literary fame (a few self published authors, for example E L James) will shoot up the best sellers list and earn eye watering amounts of money, however James is very much the exception and not the rule. Self published authors can, however earn respectable sums if they expend care and attention on their work.

Howard sees the perceived conflict between traditional and self publishing as unhealthy. Both self publishing and it’s traditional counterpart can survive and what is right for one author is not, necessarily the correct option for another.

Howard’s book is well worth a read and I’d recommend it.

My page on Reddit

I have set up a Reddit account. You can find my content by going to http://www.reddit.com/user/newauthoronline. I hate the fact that each time one posts on Reddit it is necessary to solve a visual Captcha and there is no audio or other alternative to the dratted thing!

New Poetry Blog

Yesterday I discovered a new poetry blog which I recommend http://emilyspoetryblog.com/. The blogger quotes poems and goes on to provide her own analysis. I thoroughly enjoyed reading Emily Bronte’s The Night Wind and W H Auden’s Time Will Say nothing.

Kevin

Launch of New Ebook Service

The founder of the book shop Waterstones, Tim Waterstone, is launching a new service, Read Petite which will allow subscribers to read serialised novels and short stories on their mobiles and other mobile devices. Healthy competition in the world of ebooks can only be a good thing and it will be interesting to see how Read Petite competes with big players such as Amazon and Apple. For more on the story please visit http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2307354/Dickens-goes-digital-Waterstones-founder-revives-serialised-novels-e-book-store-Read-Petite.html

Poetry Makes Nothing Happen

In his poem, In Memory of W B yeats, the poet, W H Auden wrote

“For poetry makes nothing happen: it survives

In the valley of its making where executives

Would never want to tamper, flows on south

From ranches of isolation and the busy griefs,

Raw towns that we believe and die in; it survives,

A way of happening, a mouth.”

 

Auden is one of the 20th century’s greatest poets, I do, however take issue with his view that poetry (and writing more generally) makes nothing happen.

In Oliver Twist Dickens portrayed the English poor law in all it’s brutality. He laid bare the cruelty of the workhouse and the corruption of those who, like the fictional Mr Bumble the Beadle grew fat by abusing the system. Oliver Twist is unremitting in it’s highlighting of the abuses perpetrated by Bumble and his ilk, however Dickens humour also helps to ensure that the novel remains widely read to this day. Who can forget his description of little Oliver daring to ask for more gruel in the workhouse? Dickens was not responsible for bringing about the abolition of the workhouse, however Oliver Twist undoubtedly stirred the conscience of Victorian England, indeed the novel continues to move our conscience in the early years of the 21st century.

To take another example, George Orwell’s terrifying portrayal of totalitarianism in Nineteen Eighty-Four, a world in which much of the population of Oceania is constantly observed by the telescreen, influenced and continues to influence those who oppose totalitarianism. Although a man of the left Orwell has been cited by people of both left and right in defence of pluralism. Auden’s view that “poetry makes nothing happen” was not shared by the regimes who banned Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four and his much shorter novel Animal Farm. The former Soviet Union and other authoritarian states believed that writing can make things happen, why else would they have prohibited the works of Orwell and other critics of authoritarianism?

Doubtless the greater prosperity enjoyed by democratic societies had a profound impact on the populations of Communist societies. Despite the attempted jamming of western media pictures of life outside the Communist bloc did penetrate behind the iron curtain. The inhabitants of Czechoslavakia, Poland and other states which came under Soviet influence wanted consumer goods, however the intellectuals among the populace desired freedom and the writings of Orwell, Kafka and others kindled in them this desire for democracy.

In conclusion it can be said that Auden is right in the sense that writing in and of itself makes nothing happen. However the influence of authors such as Dickens and Orwell should not be underestimated. When combined with political and economic forces words can (and are) powerful tools  for good or ill.

Bath Time

They found him lying face down in his bath. Donna, the barmaid in the Grapes where the elderly man had been drinking on that fateful Saturday afternoon,informed WPC Margaret Thomas that, to the best of her recollection he had consumed at least 10 pints of lager. The post mortem revealed a blood alcohol level consistent with Donna’s testimony and there being no suspicious circumstances surrounding the incident a verdict of accidental death was returned. As his friends remarked

“Poor Stan must have banged his head on the bath, lost consciousness and drowned”.

 

 

George hated the bathroom. Nothing unusual about that one might say and, indeed as a small boy he shared with his friends a detestation of cleanliness. Playing football, getting caked in mud was all tremendous fun but washing constituted barbarism perpetrated on children by unsmiling adults. In the case of his friends bath time meant gentle cajoling to enter the water. If they refused to wash then their parents driven to distraction might, to howls of protest take hold of the recalcitrant child and soap him from head to toe with imperial leather. Years later George’s friends smiled as they recalled bath time, not so George.

Have you ever felt the cold enamel of a basin as it touches your face? Yes very possibly you have my dear readers. Let me rephrase the question, have you ever felt strong hands holding your head under water? Have you felt the panic rising in you, the terrible unspeakable fear that you would drown? Have you wondered why man does evil unto man? I hope that the answer is no. Little George could unfortunately answer yes to all these questions. He lived in terror of the man. Outwardly charming, the life and soul of the party. He was such a charmer was Stan, no one would have dreamed that he was abusing his step son. Oh reader is that really the case? Shouldn’t someone have seen the terror in George’s eyes when Stan was in the room? Some no doubt remarked on the fact that when Stan was absent how George seemed happy and relaxed. Had someone acted then would Stan’s fate have been averted? Would he have died peacefully in his bed rather than struggling for breath as his lungs filled with water? Perhaps we should ask George but he, like Mccavity wasn’t there, or was he?

Sabrina Part 2

Below is part 2 of my story Sabrina. For part 1 please visit http://newauthoronline.com/2013/03/31/sabrina-part-1/

 

Tony buried his nose in the bowl of fragrant purple hyacinths. Their exquisite scent filled his nostrils. He could almost imagine himself in a beautiful garden on a summer’s day with the birds singing and bees buzzing lazily as they flitted from flower to flower.

“Hyacinths are my favourite flowers. Roses are lovely but I’ve always had a thing about hyacinths ever since I was a little girl”

Tony turned to see Sabrina half concealed by lush foliage as she watered the plants which occupied a small section of the large supermarket. Her green eyes peered out from behind the throngs of a large potted fern. God she looked so beautiful, just like a woodland nymph Tony thought.

“I’d buy that one Sabrina said” pointing to a bowl who’s flowers had not yet opened. The hyacinths lay concealed within their green cases which would, in a day or so break open to reveal beautiful purple blooms.

“But these are already open. They will look and smell wonderful on the window sill in my kitchen” Tony said pointing to the hyacinths which he had now transferred into his shopping trolley.

Sabrina walked across to where Tony stood.

“Excuse me” Sabrina said leaning down to retrieve the plants from Tony’s trolley. As she bent down her foot slipped in a puddle of water which had dripped onto the floor from one of the hanging baskets. Sabrina would have fallen had it not been for Tony’s instinctive reaction in holding out his arms to catch her as she fell forward. Sabrina’s body was warm and soft against his chest, her scent composed from myriad wild flowers mingled with that of the hyacinths making him feel giddy with desire. Tony wanted to say so much, to pour out his feelings but instead he released Sabrina and said

“Are you OK?”

“Yeah, thanks to you I’m fine” Sabrina replied shakerly.

“You need to sit down” Tony said looking with concern at Sabrina’s pale face.

“No, honestly, I’m OK, just a bit shaken” Sabrina said smiling up into Tony’s eyes. She leant forward once more taking care not to step in the puddle which had nearly seen her fall unceremoniously flat on her face a few moments past. Sabrina retrieved the hyacinths from Tony’s trolley

“Look here” she said pointing to the purple flowers, “They are already turning brown at the edges. In a few days time you will have nothing except dead flowers and green leaves. If you buy the flowers which haven’t opened yet you will enjoy them for far longer”.

“Yeah you are right!” Tony replied taking the bowl from Sabrina’s hands, replacing it on the shelf and putting a pot of hyacinths which had not yet bloomed into his trolley.

“Thanks for the advice. You seem to know a lot about flowers” Tony said.

“No, very little. its just common sense really, if you buy flowers which haven’t opened then they will last longer than those which are already in full bloom” Sabrina said.

“Well you know more about plants than I do” Tony said laughing. “I was surprised to see you in the plant section, I thought that you always worked on the tills?”

“Usually I work on the checkout but today one of the girls who the supervisor had listed as being off came in to work which meant they had more checkout girls than they knew what to do with so I ended up in the gardening section. It makes a nice change from the checkouts. Don’t get me wrong I have a laugh and a chat with the other girls but it can get really boring just checking bar codes all day” Sabrina replied.

“Are you part time? I don’t see you here that often”.

“Yeah, I’m at uni studying sociology” Sabrina said.

“Really! I’m a social worker, what a coincidence!” Tony said.

“I’m considering going into social work” Sabrina said.

“Don’t, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you take a child away from it’s parents because of concerns that he is being abused and it is shown later that no abuse was taking place, the media will crucify you. But, if you don’t take a kid into care and the parents go on to harm them then you will be crucified! Whatever you do you will never be right” Tony said.

“But someone has to do it” Sabrina replied.

“Yes of course they do. I’ve had a horrible day in work so don’t take anything I say to literally. Anyway its nice to talk to you properly, I’ve been wanting to chat for ages but you can’t do that here because you are always on the checkouts” Tony said.

“I’m employed to work here not to chat to the customers”  Sabrina said grinning mischievously. “I suppose that I had better get on with my work otherwise I will have the supervisor on my back”.

Tony hesitated. If he didn’t ask Sabrina out for a date now he might never get another opportunity to do so. Blushing like a school boy he said

“Sabrina I have two tickets to go and see Hamlet. It is only an amateur production but would you, err would you come with me?” Tony could feel his face burning like a furnace. He wished that the ground would open and swallow him up.

“When is it?” Sabrina asked.

“On Friday evening at 7 pm in Saint Hilda’s church hall. It is only a 20 minute drive from here. I could pick you up”  Tony suggested tentatively.

Sabrina hesitated. This guy seemed nice but one never knew.

“I’d love to come but I’ll drive their. I don’t want to put you to any trouble. It starts at 7 so shall we meet at the church for 6.45? I finish here at 6 so I can easily be with you by then. Have you got the address?” Sabrina asked.

Tony scribbled the address on the back of an old receipt and handed it to Sabrina.

“I’ll look forward to seeing you on Friday then. I know that you have to get on now. See you later” Tony said as he headed for the checkouts.

“Thanks” Sabrina called after him.

With a start Sabrina realised that she didn’t even know the name of her date. She kicked herself. She couldn’t very well go rushing after the guy to ask his name. She glanced at the piece of paper in her hand. Underneath the address of Saint Hilda’s was written, Tony followed by a mobile number. Thank heavens the guy haden’t been as dippy as her Sabrina thought as she returned to her watering.

Silence is Golden

I like listening to a wide variety of music and on occasions (particularly when I am in the bath) I turn the volume up to the maximum degree possible without, of course annoying the neighbours! Despite my love of things musical I find it impossible to have music playing, however softly while writing. I find my ears concentrating on the words being sung or the beauty of the music rather than on my writing. My need for silence while working goes back to my school days. Other children could listen to music, watch television or do a whole variety of things while revising for their O and A levels, not me, I needed quiet to concentrate.

My need for quiet entails turning off my mobile, logging out of e-mail and disregarding the landline, yes I am an antisocial beast while writing! Once my concentration is broken I find it difficult to focus completely on writing again as that conversation with my mum or the e-mail from my friend is competing for attention with the story I’m composing.

I will pause while writing to make a cup of coffee or to enjoy a few moments stroking my dog, however I do not perceive these breaks as distractions, rather they help to keep the creative juices going (the coffee keeps me alert and playing with my four legged friend helps to relax me). On this basis I think that I am an antisocial coffee drinker who loves his dog, well I can think of worse things to be!

 

Kevin

Tweet Tweet

While browsing the Telegraph’s website earlier today I came across the following article, by Celia Walden which resonated with me, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/twitter/9831941/My-husbands-cheating-on-me-with-three-million-people.html. Walden argues that Twitter is about forsaking the present moment in order to brag about it later. For example the author points to the craze which is, apparently prevalent in America where people tweet pictures of their meals rather than sitting down and simply enjoying them! As I’ve remarked before technology is wonderful. It has, however lead some to be enslaved by the technology rather than allowing it to act as their servant.

I’m off now to make a cup of hot chocolate. Please watch out for the photograph of the steaming mug on Twitter. If you are lucky I may even include a full length video of yours truly drinking it. I’m sure you can hardly wait …!

 

Kevin

Sabrina (Part 1)

Have you ever desired something so intensely that the lack of it positively hurt? Tony’s waking thoughts where filled with Sabrina. Her long black hair and emerald green eyes dominated his consciousness. At times Tony fancied that he could smell Sabrina’s delicate scent, a wonderful cocktail of wild flowers comingled with the apple shower gel with which she soaped her lithe young body. The lack of Sabrina’s presence only served to entensify his desire for the girl. He longed to lose himself in Sabrina’s beauty, to bury his nose in the girl’s long black hair. He would drink in her scent his hands softly exploring Sabrina’s face. There lips would meet and then …

He pictured the two of them strolling hand in hand through the woods in springtime. The birds are singing and flowers line the woodland path. They enter a secluded glade shielded from the footpath by high oaks. Without speaking they fall as one to the woodland floor, Their love making being accompanied by the singing of many birds.

On other occasions Tony pictured Sabrina as a beautiful woodland nymph. At a little under five feet in height and being of slim build she was the living personification of the nymphs who populated the myths of which he was so fond. Tony saw Sabrina walking ahead of him in the depths of the forest. He quickens his pace, however the girl without ever appearing to pick up speed remains forever just out of reach.

“Sabrina” he calls.

“Catch me if you can” floats back to him on the spring breeze.

“Sabrina wait for me” he shouts but his voice is lost among the calling of the birds and the babbling of the woodland brook.

But what if he did possess the girl? What then?

“The rose is a thing of beauty much desired by man but, once picked it’s fragrance soon fades leaving only withered petals”.

Should he ask her out for a date? Where she to say no the intricate fantasies which Tony had woven for himself would vanish like snow in springtime. No more moments of delight with Sabrina flitting through the woods , just a big fat “no” to sap his confidence. Tony guessed that he could maintain the fantasy for some considerable time yet. He had a vivid imagination and his occasional encounters with Sabrina only served to heighten the intensity of his fantasising. Where Sabrina to say yes what then? Would growing familiarity start to breed contempt? He thought of his friend Jack. Some six months earlier Jack had, helped by the dutch courage provided by several brandies taken the plunge and asked Lucy, the barmaid in his local pub out for dinner. Their relationship had blossomed like the summer flowers but come winter it had fizzled out and died.

“Mate Lucy and I should have stayed friends. We had great laughs together, she was one of the lads but now she can hardly stand the sight of me” Jack had said sadly, slurring his words as he and Tony sat drinking cider in Jack’s house.

“I can’t go into the Fiddle (Jack’s local) anymore as Lucy can hardly bring herself to be civil and everyones either sniggering behind their hands or feeling sorry for me. I don’t know what’s worse” Jack said.

Maybe it was better to continue to worship his Venus from afar Tony thought. He took a sharp intake of breath. What if Sabrina chose to date someone other than Tony Juniper? Tony’s stomach turned over at the very thought. So far as he knew Sabrina was unattached. Certainly she wore no ring to indicate that she was in a relationship although the lack of a ring was not an infallible sign that a girl was available as Tony well knew.

“I’ll ask her out” Tony said to Smudge his black and white cat. The cat seemed decidedly uninterested not even deigning to acknowledge Tony’s announcement by so much as a sswish of his tail.

“Be like that then” Tony said lifting the cat off his knee.

Smudge rubbed himself against his owner’s legs craving attention but Tony’s thoughts where elsewhere. He was remembering the first time that he had set eyes on Sabrina.

“£30.37 please sir”.

Tony raised his eyes from the belt which had just conveyed his shopping to the cash register and came face to face with his goddess. A pair of green eyes gazed expectantly back at him

£30.37 please” the girl repeated glancing over Tony’s right shoulder at the growing queue behind him.

“Sorry” Tony said fumbling for his debit card while, at the same time trying to read the girl’s name badge. By craning his neck he managed to decipher the name. Sabrina the badge said.

“Sir can I help” Sabrina said annoyance fighting with mirth to gain the upper hand on her face.

“No I’ve found it. Sorry to keep you waiting Tony said extracting his card, inserting it into the card reader and punching in his PIN.

“Have a nice day” Sabrina said as Tony took his shopping and headed for the exit.

Tony knew that she said that to all the customers. It was, almost certainly company policy for the supermarket’s staff to offer this formulaic farewell. None the less Tony left the store with a huge grin on his face.

Ever since the day when he had first encountered Sabrina Tony had increased his twice weekly visits to the supermarket. He now visited at every possible opportunity. He would run out of milk and rather than popping into his local corner shop Tony would visit the supermarket in the hope of seeing Sabrina.

“Just the one item?” the girl said raising her eyebrows at the sight of Tony’s single pint of milk.

“Yes” he replied disconsolately. This girl wasn’t Sabrina. Tony had scanned the checkouts searching for her however following searching looks from the security guard he thought it prudent to go to the nearest till and pay for his milk.

Incidents such as this became increasingly common. On occasions Tony would strike lucky and find himself being served by Sabrina, however in most instances he paid for his single item at a checkout staffed by someone other than his Sabrina.

“His Sabrina”, of course the girl wasn’t his but try as he might Tony could not shake off the view that he and Sabrina where meant to be together. Like a moth to the flame Tony was drawn with ever increasing frequency to the store.