Every working day (in my case Monday-Friday) I take both the train and London underground to get into the office. During my travels I hear a number of anouncements advising travellers to mind the gap between the platform and other important matters. Having a quirky sense of humour I can not help but think up alternatives to these anouncements some of which I have given below. First is the correct announcement followed by my alternative rendering:

Original Anouncement – mind the gap.

My version – mind the gap for the gap can not mind you.

Original announcement – Smoking is prohibited Anywhere on this station

My version – smoking is positively encouraged anywhere on this station

Original announcement – Please do not leave unattended articles on this station. Unattended items will be removed and may be destroyed.

My version – Please leave unattended articles on this station. Unattended items may be removed and distributed to random strangers.