4:30, barely 5 minutes since I last looked at the clock but when your life is hanging in the balance time does strange things. “for each man kills the thing he loves, by each let this be heard”. Stop it, quoting Wilde will only depress you. But I feel like the condemned man in The Balad of Reading Gaol. Don’t be so melodramatic man, they don’t hang men anymore in the UK and besides you are no Oscar Wilde, stop being so bloody pretentious. But I’m an English teacher pretentiousness goes with the job or so the tabloids would have you believe.

And the first witness for the prosecution is Mr Hersay.

“Mr Hersay can you tell the tribunal, in your own words what happened on the afternoon of 22^nd June 2012?”

“On 22^nd June Molly innuendo told me that she heard, from an impeccable source that Mr Patrick Colins was seen behaving inappropriately”.

Hearsay, Innuendo and Tittle Tattle have strutted and played their hour upon the stage but will they, like the poor player be heard from no more? No they are even now sitting down over tea and cakes with Ms Gossip Monger eagerly awaiting the announcement of the tribunal. “I’ll be the judge, I’ll be the jury, I’ll be the hangman and condemn you to death”.

A male teacher working in a girls school, “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” that’s what the average tabloid reader thinks when he reads about a male teacher accused of inappropriate conduct with one of his female pupils.

Its not easy all those hormonal teenage girls. Even though I say it myself I’m not a bad looking man for my age. Going a little grey at the temples but lots of girls seem to find that sexy, the father figure and all that. Short skirts, girls sitting with their legs far apart I’ve seen it all. One would have to be made of stone or gay not to be tempted. I’m not gay by the way despite my love of Wilde. A fine writer who should never have been imprisoned for the love that dare not speak its name but I don’t share his liking for male flesh.

4:40,. This is barbaric. In Roman times they threw Christians to the lions. It was a horrendous death. Society is more humane today, we throw teachers on the tender mercies of public opinion or, more accurately on the mercy of the tabloids, “power without responsibility, the prerogative of the harlot throughout the ages”. You really are a pretentious prick Patrick, always showing off with your quotations. That appeals to a certain type of young impressionable girl. They love a man who can summon up a quote at the drop of a hat particularly when he takes an interest in them. Of course it’s my job to take an interest in all my pupils, there is nothing whatsoever inappropriate about a teacher nurturing his pupils. Good educators are like gold dust and ought to be cherished. I am a first rate teacher. Don’t just take my word for it. You should have heard the glowing references from several former pupils. It wasn’t just former pupils, several parents spoke glowingly about how I’ve instilled a love of literature in their daughters. Try as I might I couldn’t hold back my tears.

The condemned man ate a hearty breakfast. I can’t stomach these biscuits or what passes for tea in this place. 4:51, get a move on my palms are red raw. I can’t help digging my nails into them, Christ I’ve drawn blood!

When does a girl reach womanhood. The law sets the age of consent at 16 in the UK but prohibits sexual relationships between teachers and students even where the pupil has reached 16. The law is to protect young people from being exploited by those, like teachers in positions of authority. Some of the girls, 13, 14 and 15-year-olds aren’t above using their sexuality to wrap men around their little fingers. As an adult you have to have self control, to remember that they are, contrary to what they may think still children. “I can resist everything accept temptation”. Good old Oscar but that isn’t a quote one would employ when facing a charge of inappropriate conduct with a minor, not if you had any sense you wouldn’t!

Maybe I should get up and leave now. I could do that. This is a disciplinary tribunal not a court of law. I could walk out that door, jump on a plane and make a new life in Thailand or China. They are crying out for English teachers in those countries.

The Director of Public Prosecutions looked at the case but came to the conclusion that there was insufficient evidence to prosecute, however I’m still subjected to the circus of this tribunal. You jump through one hoop only to be faced by yet another. Mud sticks. Even if I’m cleared tongues will continue to wag, “You don’t want to send Gemma to that school do you? That’s where Mr Colins, the pervy teacher works. Of course he was cleared but there is no smoke without fire, don’t you agree?”

—

Cleared and free to return to teaching without a stain on my good name. I’m more grateful than I can ever express to all those who supported me. My backs sore from all the congratulatory slaps I’ve received, “Well done Patrick, I never doubted you for a single moment”. “Congratulations Paddy I never believed the rumours”. Thank the lord I’m free to return to the job I love.

—

Sophie, her pretty face convulsed with crying trying to conceal her grief at the back of the classroom. The bell rings. Pupils file out

“Sophie can I have a word please”.

The final girl leaves closing the door behind her.

“What’s wrong Sophie” I ask very gently.

“Its my gran sir she had a stroke last night and they don’t think she will” Sophie breaks down burying her face against my shoulder. Her scent, the warmth of her face close to mine. God forgive me …