On this Day I Complete my Thirty-Sixth Year

‘Tis time this heart should be unmoved,
Since others it hath ceased to move:
Yet though I cannot be beloved,
Still let me love!

My days are in the yellow leaf;
The flowers and fruits of Love are gone;
The worm, the canker, and the grief
Are mine alone!

PorterGirl’s secrets revealed!

Lucy Brazier

Today is the day that one of my oldest and bestest blog buddies, Lucy Brazier, publishes the second book in her PorterGirl series, so I invited her along to answer some tough, penetrating questions that I think will help us to get deep inside her weird and wonderful mind. But first, a little about the books…

In real life, when Lucy became the first female Deputy Head Porter at one of Britain’s most ancient and prestigious colleges, she began writing about her experiences, which gradually turned into a humorous, fictionalised blog, and ultimately into what has become the PorterGirl series of novels. Being a huge lover of crime fiction, it’s not surprising Lucy decided to write in that genre, while anyone who has followed her blog will be equally unsurprised to know the emphasis is firmly on fairly rumbustious humour.

Previously…

First Lady of…

Thoughts muddy
I will forsake
And take
Refuge in my study,
Among poets who speak
Words that endure beyond a week.

I shall sit listening to birdsong.
The long
Summer days willimperceptibly turn
Into Autumn. I shall the world spurn
And yearn
For Keat’s Nightingale.

(After reading the biography of Lord Byron)

I don’t like ceremonies, madam:
They steal my precious time.
All men are rough since days of Adam,
And women are sublime.

I sense in you unuttered passion
That waits, like sparkling wine.
In most frank and honest fashion
I dare you: be mine.

I will be ardent, I will care,
I’ll make your life complete.
And then I’ll finish the affair,
Just as I started it.

You’ll call me cruel, reckless, vicious,
You’ll think yourself ill-used,
But even thus, the fruit’s delicious:
You want to be seduced.

All for a glimpse of true desire,
All for the touch of flame.
Then shameful gossip you’ll inspire
And stain your honored name.

You’ll buy a paradise vacation
At an expensive price
Of badly damaged reputation,
But hear my advice:

Your husband’s dull, your day is boring,
Your night is all but sweet.
Inside my…

Every two weeks – a set of limericks.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all.
And now he’s a college professor.

‘Tis a favorite project of mine:
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9.

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,
But man spoiled his chances by sinning.
We trust that the story
Will end in God’s glory,
But at present the other side’s winning.

Is it me or the nature of money
That’s odd and particularly funny?
‘Cause when I have dough,
It goes quickly, you know,
And seeps out of my pockets like honey.

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, “Let us…

It’s always time for tea, and when I looked

at you, that one time in October, while I

felt discomfited, I thought about black tea

and strange girls, the only ones I have ever

known, trance-like faces and eyes, terrors

gripped inside woven fabrics, mixed mesh

melded into colors – unnatural – tattooed like

bikers, and foulmouthed like trash day, but their

beauty beatified, saints and sinners grow up,

and on my lap I waited for them to return,

for their eyes to discover how you move, how

you choose to live, we accepted it, we knew

it was what you knew, I suggested we part,

after all, it wasn’t right, your object filled,

new found sex, but tea was always on my

mind, girls like you liked tea, and I knew

at coffee in the morning, I would put the pot

on, to see you sip oddly, just like…

I’ve been fascinated by natural history all my life. Indeed, one of my early childhood memories is of planting a conker in the flower beds in the back garden of our family home and the delight in seeing it grow and develop into a small sapling. I was quite upset when my father removed it explaining that it was not the best place for a sapling that would grow into a big tree.

As an older child, I dug a wildlife pond in the same garden and was amazed at how quickly it became home to a myriad of plant and animal species. I can recall lying next to the water’s edge and watching pond skaters zip across the surface whilst tadpoles and water boatmen swam beneath and beautifully iridescent dragonflies hovered above.

The love of nature is one of the reasons I became interested in photography and I like…