There are no rules in the deadly world of self-publishing. Editors? Expensive. Cover artists? Superfluous. Adjectives, adverbs, prefaces, acknowledgements, dedications, and notes to the reader? Required and to be used in the mathematical quantity known as ‘a plethora.’

That being said, a few suggestions are needed to reach the staggering height of my success (or just use a stool).

1. Market the living hell out of your family.

Also your co-workers at the Shake Shoppe, people in your spinning class, and especially neighbors. What are they going to do, move?

Family is a delicate matter, however, and you must gain rapport.  Call them in the evening at dinnertime. If you must approach in person, allow them a few seconds to talk about the kids or politics or cholera before launching into your book’s “elevator speech,” the motivations behind minor characters, or the struggle to maintain a ten-hour writing session fueled…